Thai Me Up, Thai Me Down

I'm fully recovered from whatever hit me last week, and have been enjoying myself in Thailand since Sunday. From Sunday until yesterday (Thursday), I was in Chiang Mai , where, as promised, I went on an elephant ride. (His name was Camus.)

It's a little hard for me now to convey how excited I was about riding the elephant, since the novelty of seeing elephants has worn off. There were tons of elephants around Chiang Mai. And, on my way over to this Internet joint, I passed a baby elephant hanging out front of an Irish pub called the Dubliner. (Apparently, he has good taste.)

But, the day of the elephant ride I was psyched. I've been daydreaming about riding an elephant since February, when I started seriously thinking about this trip. As soon as I got to Chiang Mai, I signed up for a group tour to ride elephants, do a mini-trek, and see a few outdoorsy things.

It was a strange group that I ended up with for the excursion. There was a woman from California and her five-year-old son. And...there were these two young French-Canadian women who just spent the past four months volunteering at a Thai orphanage. But more importantly...they liked to sing...crazy children's songs...all day long...in French. They were like a cross between Mary Poppins and the Smothers Brothers, sent on a southeast Asia goodwill USO tour to save orphans because Celine Dion was too busy in Vegas hanging out with her older husband/manager, Rene.

They sang children's songs the whole freakin' day. They sang to the five-year-old. They sang in the mini-van. Even when we took a haphazard, bamboo raft down a murky, disease-filled river, they sang cheerful songs about being on the river. When we got to a ethnic hill village, they did several song-and-dance numbers for a poor, speechless little child. (This time they sang in English, and they were joined by the little American five-year-old who was trying to keep up with their songs and moves.) By this point, the tour guide just threw his hands up in the air and walked back down the hill to the mini-van. I was torn between following the tour guide, and gawking at the seemingly endless song-and-dance spectacular...Er, I mean, supporting the French-Canadians who help orphans.

Meanwhile, the woman from California became obsessed with orphans. All day long, she kept posing questions to the French-Canadians about what the orphanage was like and what she could do for the orphans. I admire her desire to help, but the frequency of her questions was a little overboard. Even the kind-spirited French-Canadians seemed a little weary of all the questions by the end of the day. I think my favorite was on the way home when she asked if she could send an old digital camera to the orphanage, and then suggested that maybe her son's class could become pen pals with the orphans when he starts kindergarten next year. It was all I could do not to speak up and tell her that most kindergartners don't know how to read or write, let alone read/write Thai. But, the French-Canadians saved me from sure damnation by kindly pointing out that the Thai orphans don't speak English. To this, the California woman responded that the children could draw each other pictures. I really did admire her spirit and optimism.

So, needless to say, the elephant riding was probably only the second-most memorable part of the day.

I'm in Bangkok right now, which, contrary to the view of many people, I actually kind of like. But, I may be delirious from all the gelato and European baked goods I've been consuming since I got here. (Who knew there was such deliciousness in Bangkok?) Pastries aside, it's pretty seedy here, and there are massage parlors and "fancy" ladies everywhere. It makes me very sad how the city shamelessly -- maybe even proudly -- caters to the sex-pat crowd at the expense of so many women and children. But, Bangkok is hardly alone on that point.

And, on that uplifting note, I'm off to grab a beer at the Dubliner and see if I can strike up a conversation with the Elephant. Tomorrow's my last day in Asia. Sunday I have a marathon 25-hour journey back to the US for my friend Megan's wedding. (My favorite part is that for one leg of the trip, I leave Tokyo at something like 3 pm on Sunday and arrive in Chicago eleven hours later... but at 2 pm on Sunday, earlier than when my flight left. Time travel is so awesome.)